dear diary, am i disassociat-ing?
sometimes the measurement of reflection isn’t seeing how far we’ve come, it how consistent we were in working to move forward.
hi everybody! happy thursday.
the past two weeks have been a bit of a blur, but in a great way. it’s crazy how fast time flies when you’re living in the current moment.
a constant theme that has been coming up in my meditations and dreams lately, is the power of attention. we instill life into things, by giving them attention. & the speed of the world is such, that every single thing craves our attention, all the time.
so how does one decide what to commit to?
so far, i haven’t found a real answer. but in an attempt to figure one out, i’ve added a nightly ritual into my unwind time.
shockingly (for me), i haven’t thought of a super-elaborate or clever name, and am just referring to it as “give or take”. this is where i spend ten minutes at the minimum, scanning my day from top to bottom analyzing every decision i can remember making that day. on average, as human beings we make anywhere from 10,000-30,000 decisions each day from the moment we wake up until we go to bed. some are unconscious decisions purely out of habit, such as, breathing, blinking and turning the lights on in the morning. but everything else, is an active, conscious choice we make as our day builds.
once I have recalled the events of my day, i put them into categories; energy givers or takers. sometimes, it’s a very logical outcome of a day and there are no surprises. but other times, i realize that certain practices and activities i spend a lot of time doing, are leaving me drained and depleted. it could be something i don’t even realize is, but by the end of the day i have completely tired myself out and like my brain is fried.
backing up a bit, even recalling everything i’ve done is a challenge. which makes me realize a lot of my day is spent floating around with my conscious and attention elsewhere. a term very casually referred to as “disassociating”. by definition, it is when one makes a conscious separation or detachment from something or someone at any capacity. sometimes, it’s used as a coping mechanism, and affects many people with mental health struggles. but often times, it can just be a lack of awareness kicking in.
all of this to say, that if you have been feeling sluggish, or “off” and at a loss of energy, reflect on the decisions you are making (maybe unconsciously) everyday that are making you feel this way. hustle culture and burn out are painfully normalized in society and work spaces, but they are slow killers that only show themselves when it’s too late. being proactive and taking care of your energy starts with paying attention to where you’re letting it flow!
often times, the answer is hidden in the problem & it just takes a bit of attention to unpack ;)
if you need any help, or someone to talk to, my dm’s are always open [@kareenakhurana] ! there is also a ‘let’s connect’ tab on the bottom of my home page.
xoxo, kk